Category: Fluctuating Hope

FLUCTUATING HOPE

Fluctuating Hope – Episode 19

Written By Amah’s Heart. & Blessing

After I ran out the house, I couldn’t go home right away because I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to speak to anyone especially my family members who I knew will try to inquire from me what transpired between me and Aunty Cynthia.

I needed to think and if possible free my mind of all grievances

so I strolled that evening with no emotions in my heart as by now I have grown to a stage that I no longer felt easily angry, frustrated or disappointed at anything

At this young age, there is nothing life isn’t showing me so needless having hope or taking little things seriously anymore

I soon got tired of strolling and sat on a high stone where I could easily see people passing

I sat there for some seconds until when a black Jeep drove and packed in front of me 

The person at the driver seat winded down the window glass;

it was Mr Bernard on the driver seat and he beckoned on me to move closer to the car

I was someone who believed in respect no matter the circumstance so I nonchalantly obliged to his request

I walked over to meet him at the window but I was reluctant to get into the car when he requested that I come inside

” Please come in Debby.. I assure you that I won’t hurt you.. I just want us to talk Debby, that is all” Mr Bernard said slowly and I looked at him unable to trust his words

I guess he saw the struggle on my face and heaved in defeat

” Okay Debby if it will make you feel safe with me then call to tell your parents that I am here with you.. or would you rather I come down and sit with you at where you sat earlier?” Mr Bernard offered and I looked at him in utter disbelief

” No sir except you want us to be the talk of the town.. but how did you know where to find me?” I asked looking at him from the window

” Actually Debby I was about driving in when I saw you run out of the gate of my house… I followed you here until when the perfect opportunity will arise for me to reveal myself and talk to you which I feel it is now.. so please come in Debby” Mr Bernard pleaded looking at me and I obliged after making a quick decision in my heart

I sighed as I turned round, got into the car and sat on the passenger side beside him

” I am inside sir.. please what do you want us to talk about?” I asked him coldly but I still tried to sound as polite as I could

” Thank you Debby for still honoring and respecting me amidst everything..” Mr Bernard begun looking at me..

“..I want to first start by apologizing to you for what happened between us at your school.. honestly I don’t know what came over me Debby… I was driven by lust for your pretty face, physical features and intelligence that I went overboard” Mr Bernard quipped looking at me to see my facial reaction but it was devoid of emotions added with the fact that I was lost for the right words to say to him

He continued regardless of the discouraging look on my face

“..Debby I regret trying to sexually harass you.. that day, I came home after you had turned down my sexual advances and I realized that you are truly a good girl.. so Debby I am truly sorry.. from today onwards I promise that I will support and help you in achieving those beautiful dreams imbedded in you”

Mr Bernard concluded heaving heavily but I was still lost for words so I was quiet and kept looking at him as though he was speaking gibberish

” Please say something Debby.. believe me I am genuinely sorry for my immoral act towards you.. do give me a second chance to make amends.. please say that you’ve forgiven me, please talk to me..”

” I don’t know what to say to you sir.. but it’s okay, I forgave you long before now.. and as for your offer of help, I don’t need it anymore sir… thank you” I told him as calmly as I could before trying to open the door to walk out of the car 

But he held me back by the arm and pleadingly said to me with a sincerity that I felt it from where I sat beside him

” Debby it was after we stopped communication that I missed talking to you and have you freely share things with me.. my daughters had outgrown such things and you made me feel like a young father again.. I’m so sorry I messed it up..”

” ..I know it may be hard to easily trust me again but please give me another chance to play that fatherly role in your life.. I have grown to love you as a daughter and so this time.. I promise you won’t regret it Debby” Mr Bernard apologized and I didn’t realize that tears were dripping down my eyes until he stretched forth an handkerchief to wipe my tears

” Thank you..” I appreciated his act of kindness as I accepted the handkerchief he offered and used it to wipe my tears

“.. I have forgiven sir and I hold no grudges against your family.. I don’t have an issue with accepting your offer of help but what about Aunty Cynthia?… she is very angry with me for not going with her plans of getting me married to Malvin” I said and further begun narrating everything that transpired between Aunty Cynthia, Malvin and I in his house that afternoon which prompted me running out in such a manner he saw me

” Give it time Debby she will soon realize that it is wrong to impose marriage on someone for whatever reason.. as for my desire to help you.. I intended doing so without her knowledge so don’t worry okay”

” Sir.. mmh.. Is it a good idea to do so without your wife’s knowledge?” I asked not feeling convinced

” She is my wife but for now Debby.. it is the best until she comes to her senses.. so don’t bother your head about it”

” Okay if you say so” I simply answered shrugging

” so is this a yes to my offer to be a second father and continue helping out from where I stopped?” Mr Bernard asked staring at me expectantly and I nodded in affirmation

” You’re right sir, it is a Yes.. I do accept your offer to continue helping me.. thank you sir.. I do appreciate this very much”

” The pleasure is all mine Debby.. now young lady.. get to work about packing up for school.. because you are going back by weekend unfailingly!”

” Sure.. okay daddy” I said smiling as I emphasized on the ‘daddy’ and Mr Bernard bursted out laughing before responding

” Naughty girl.. you will not change this sarcastic nature of yours.. all the same.. thank you for forgiving and seeing me as a second father again Debby” Mr Bernard responded jovially and we talked some more until dusk when we bid each other a goodnight rest after he dropped me safely at home.

That was the new beginning to a genuine father and daughter relationship between me and Mr Bernard.

After that night, my subsequent year in the university went smoothly and I had dumped whatever past ugly incident that happened with Mr Bernard in the past, and it will remain there as my forever little secret.

And as Mr Bernard promised, he kept through with his words as he stood as a second father figure in my life and supported me in every step of the way 

Through him, I got connected to other high contacts in the society and was well known as Mr Bernard’s right-hand foster daughter anywhere my name was mentioned.

I made good use of the connections I enjoyed courtesy of Mr Bernard to ensure that my father was gainfully employed at a marketing company as a manager.

My mother left her small scale trading business and ventured into a more profitable clothing business that made her a proud mother of a soon to be graduate

While my siblings pursued their dreams in their respective chosen professions without having to encounter the financial difficulties I had to face to get to the current level I am educationally.

(Do NOT Plagiarize)

Next Episode

Previous Episode 

FLUCTUATING HOPE

Fluctuating Hope – Episode 19

Written By Amah’s Heart. & Blessing

After I ran out the house, I couldn’t go home right away because I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to speak to anyone especially my family members who I knew will try to inquire from me what transpired between me and Aunty Cynthia.

I needed to think and if possible free my mind of all grievances

so I strolled that evening with no emotions in my heart as by now I have grown to a stage that I no longer felt easily angry, frustrated or disappointed at anything

At this young age, there is nothing life isn’t showing me so needless having hope or taking little things seriously anymore

I soon got tired of strolling and sat on a high stone where I could easily see people passing

I sat there for some seconds until when a black Jeep drove and packed in front of me 

The person at the driver seat winded down the window glass;

it was Mr Bernard on the driver seat and he beckoned on me to move closer to the car

I was someone who believed in respect no matter the circumstance so I nonchalantly obliged to his request

I walked over to meet him at the window but I was reluctant to get into the car when he requested that I come inside

” Please come in Debby.. I assure you that I won’t hurt you.. I just want us to talk Debby, that is all” Mr Bernard said slowly and I looked at him unable to trust his words

I guess he saw the struggle on my face and heaved in defeat

” Okay Debby if it will make you feel safe with me then call to tell your parents that I am here with you.. or would you rather I come down and sit with you at where you sat earlier?” Mr Bernard offered and I looked at him in utter disbelief

” No sir except you want us to be the talk of the town.. but how did you know where to find me?” I asked looking at him from the window

” Actually Debby I was about driving in when I saw you run out of the gate of my house… I followed you here until when the perfect opportunity will arise for me to reveal myself and talk to you which I feel it is now.. so please come in Debby” Mr Bernard pleaded looking at me and I obliged after making a quick decision in my heart

I sighed as I turned round, got into the car and sat on the passenger side beside him

” I am inside sir.. please what do you want us to talk about?” I asked him coldly but I still tried to sound as polite as I could

” Thank you Debby for still honoring and respecting me amidst everything..” Mr Bernard begun looking at me..

“..I want to first start by apologizing to you for what happened between us at your school.. honestly I don’t know what came over me Debby… I was driven by lust for your pretty face, physical features and intelligence that I went overboard” Mr Bernard quipped looking at me to see my facial reaction but it was devoid of emotions added with the fact that I was lost for the right words to say to him

He continued regardless of the discouraging look on my face

“..Debby I regret trying to sexually harass you.. that day, I came home after you had turned down my sexual advances and I realized that you are truly a good girl.. so Debby I am truly sorry.. from today onwards I promise that I will support and help you in achieving those beautiful dreams imbedded in you”

Mr Bernard concluded heaving heavily but I was still lost for words so I was quiet and kept looking at him as though he was speaking gibberish

” Please say something Debby.. believe me I am genuinely sorry for my immoral act towards you.. do give me a second chance to make amends.. please say that you’ve forgiven me, please talk to me..”

” I don’t know what to say to you sir.. but it’s okay, I forgave you long before now.. and as for your offer of help, I don’t need it anymore sir… thank you” I told him as calmly as I could before trying to open the door to walk out of the car 

But he held me back by the arm and pleadingly said to me with a sincerity that I felt it from where I sat beside him

” Debby it was after we stopped communication that I missed talking to you and have you freely share things with me.. my daughters had outgrown such things and you made me feel like a young father again.. I’m so sorry I messed it up..”

” ..I know it may be hard to easily trust me again but please give me another chance to play that fatherly role in your life.. I have grown to love you as a daughter and so this time.. I promise you won’t regret it Debby” Mr Bernard apologized and I didn’t realize that tears were dripping down my eyes until he stretched forth an handkerchief to wipe my tears

” Thank you..” I appreciated his act of kindness as I accepted the handkerchief he offered and used it to wipe my tears

“.. I have forgiven sir and I hold no grudges against your family.. I don’t have an issue with accepting your offer of help but what about Aunty Cynthia?… she is very angry with me for not going with her plans of getting me married to Malvin” I said and further begun narrating everything that transpired between Aunty Cynthia, Malvin and I in his house that afternoon which prompted me running out in such a manner he saw me

” Give it time Debby she will soon realize that it is wrong to impose marriage on someone for whatever reason.. as for my desire to help you.. I intended doing so without her knowledge so don’t worry okay”

” Sir.. mmh.. Is it a good idea to do so without your wife’s knowledge?” I asked not feeling convinced

” She is my wife but for now Debby.. it is the best until she comes to her senses.. so don’t bother your head about it”

” Okay if you say so” I simply answered shrugging

” so is this a yes to my offer to be a second father and continue helping out from where I stopped?” Mr Bernard asked staring at me expectantly and I nodded in affirmation

” You’re right sir, it is a Yes.. I do accept your offer to continue helping me.. thank you sir.. I do appreciate this very much”

” The pleasure is all mine Debby.. now young lady.. get to work about packing up for school.. because you are going back by weekend unfailingly!”

” Sure.. okay daddy” I said smiling as I emphasized on the ‘daddy’ and Mr Bernard bursted out laughing before responding

” Naughty girl.. you will not change this sarcastic nature of yours.. all the same.. thank you for forgiving and seeing me as a second father again Debby” Mr Bernard responded jovially and we talked some more until dusk when we bid each other a goodnight rest after he dropped me safely at home.

That was the new beginning to a genuine father and daughter relationship between me and Mr Bernard.

After that night, my subsequent year in the university went smoothly and I had dumped whatever past ugly incident that happened with Mr Bernard in the past, and it will remain there as my forever little secret.

And as Mr Bernard promised, he kept through with his words as he stood as a second father figure in my life and supported me in every step of the way 

Through him, I got connected to other high contacts in the society and was well known as Mr Bernard’s right-hand foster daughter anywhere my name was mentioned.

I made good use of the connections I enjoyed courtesy of Mr Bernard to ensure that my father was gainfully employed at a marketing company as a manager.

My mother left her small scale trading business and ventured into a more profitable clothing business that made her a proud mother of a soon to be graduate

While my siblings pursued their dreams in their respective chosen professions without having to encounter the financial difficulties I had to face to get to the current level I am educationally.

(Do NOT Plagiarize)

Next Episode

Previous Episode 

FLUCTUATING HOPE

Fluctuating Hope – Episode 18

Written By Amah’s Heart. & Blessing

After my break up with Ray, I changed my phone number to a new one to avoid distractions 

and went about my school activities without getting myself involved in any new relationship saga.

I got involved in a part-time job which fetched me some income to live on alongside frequent support from home which I was grateful for.

Gradually it became a year, yet I still hadn’t gone home since my last visit last year nor have I told my family what transpired between Mr Bernard and I when he came visiting

By now I was done with the first semester and was about entering my second semester fourth level in the university 

The high incurred expenses as a result of this change in academic level were beyond what my father could handle but I was still reluctant to reach out to Mr Bernard or Aunty Cynthia for help, and I was thankful that the didn’t even have my new phone number

It was tough during the holiday period as I kept thinking of what the beginning of the second semester in my fourth level held for me; with no food items left, my academic fees/dues higher yet unpaid and my rent due for renewal

my father couldn’t help in solving half of these problems I told him about so I have to search for other alternate ways

As for my mother, she tried her best to inquire from me why I hadn’t yet reached out to the Nyeyes considering my academic issue but I was too secretive to say anything.

It was also my own way of getting back at my mother for keeping Aunty Cynthia’s interior marriage motive from me, instead she choose to give me an attitude that had put a strain on my emotions.

Few days into the holidays, I was somewhat angry but I couldn’t ascertain if it was at myself or at God or at my mother or at my father’s financial state or at Aunty Cynthia’s self-centered motive or at Mr Bernard for betraying the trust I had in him

I just didn’t know whom to direct my anger and frustration.

It was in the midst of this angry moment a strange number called me and when I picked up Aunty Cynthia’s voice rang out from the other end of the phone call

” Debby dear your mum gave this your new contact to me.. it has been a while I heard from you.. this is Aunty Cynthia on the line”

” oh! Good afternoon Aunty.. yes it has been a while.. how are you and the family?” I quipped in my normal jovial voice that would make it hard for anyone to detect that I was emotionally drained except for my mother who knows me in and out.

” Everyone is fine Debby.. how is school?.. you suddenly withdrew from us all and your mother said you hadn’t even visited your family either.. is everything okay with you?”

” School and everything is fine ma.. there was no luxury of time to visit home before now Aunty.. but we’ve just begun our holiday this week so I plan coming back home this weekend”

I wasn’t lying though as I truly nursed the plan of going back home by weekend so that hunger wouldn’t kill me before my time  

Maybe different for other students but hunger just isn’t for the weak hearted like me Debby

” Oh I see.. no problem then.. please endeavor to come and see me when you are back.. there’s something important I would love to discuss with you Debby” Aunty Cynthia told me over the phone and my heart missed a beat

” Hope there’s no problem Aunty? Is it something serious?”

” No Debby it is nothing to worry about.. we will talk better when you’re back okay.. I’m hanging up now.. take care of yourself.. byyyye”

” Okay Aunty.. see you when I am back then.. bye. . . .” I replied over the phone and then the phone call was ended by Aunty Cynthia.

**********************

I sat on the couch in the sitting room waiting for Aunty Cynthia after being informed by one of her workers that she will join me in a short while

I pressed my phone and viewed movies online to keep myself company until a few minutes after when she finally came down the stairs to meet me

” Good afternoon Aunty” I greeted immediately I saw her

” Good afternoon dear.. how are you?” Aunty Cynthia answered smiling and sat on the couch opposite me

” I’m fine and you?”

” I’m good Debby.. thank you”

” you look beautiful Aunty.. I love your dress, it’s gorgeous” I complimented smiling to light up the atmosphere

Aunty Cynthia smiled widely before responding happily

” Ah! Thank you Debby.. you are good with words.. you are not looking bad yourself, school is treating you well I see”

” I thank God Aunty.. how is uncle and where is he?”

” My husband is fine.. he went out to see his friend down the street and would be back before dusk” Aunty Cynthia said and I breath a sigh of relief

Honestly I was initially reluctant of coming her to see Aunty Cynthia for fear of facing Mr Bernard

it is a relief to know that I won’t be doing facing him afterall

” ..well Debby I asked to see you because I wanted us to discuss something important.. it is about my son Malvin” Aunty Cynthia begun and my heart beat started accelerating

Hope it isn’t what I am thinking though? I thought and felt scared within me

” What about Malvin Aunty.. is he sick or something?”

” No, far from it.. actually Debby I want you to marry my son after your graduation from the university!” 

Aunty Cynthia dropped the bombshell and it aligned with my earlier thoughts and fear

This is a conversation which I wasn’t ready to face yet but when exactly will I be ready? I thought inwardly

” Yo.. yuu.. you want me to marry Malvin?” I stammered staring at Aunty Cynthia

” Yes Debby.. that is the main reason why I had initially offered to train you educationally when I saw you.. please marry my son Debby”

” What the heck Momma! there is no way in hell I am marrying this bitch!” Malvin resonated coming down the stairs 

We weren’t aware that he was eavesdropping on our conversation all along

” Watch your language Malvin.. Debby is not a bitch like you term her.. she is a good girl”

” I don’t care what you think of her momma.. to me she is a godforsaken golddigger! and I will never in my life marry a motherfucker ugly duckling like her.. look! she is as miserable looking as her name sounds”

Okay I think I have heard enough of his insults and it is time I put him in his place

I stood up angrily from the couch and retorted while looking directly at him without flinching

” Look here Malvin or whatever you name is.. I have no interest in marrying you either.. you have this irritating attitude that stinks!.. marrying you is something I would never be able to cope with..” 

I paused to take a short breath and continued with so much anger boiling inside of me

“..and so you know.. you are an ugly duckling too and certainly not my type!.. so get it into your pompous skul that I don’t want you in my life either!”

” Momma did you just hear what the girl you want me to marry is saying to me?” Malvin asked moving his gaze from me to Aunty Cynthia

” Oh so you are hurt by words?.. I thought otherwise if not, how then do you feel so comfortable talking down on people as though the aren’t human beings like you?” I asked keeping my gaze fixed on Malvin

“..not only do you lack manners but you are so rude Mal..” I continued but Aunty Cynthia cut me off with her utterances

” That’s enough Debby! even though you are my friend’s daughter, I won’t tolerate you speaking to my son in such a disrespectful manner.. Besides you are just a common girl whose future I am trying to help.. you should be grateful to me and not all this rudeness.. anyways you are marrying Malvin and that is final! “

” Aunty, your son has always spoken disrespectfully to me but I never said a word in defense because of my respect for you.. now in exchange for the assistance you offered me.. you are imposing it on me to marry a man who has no iota of love or regards for me as a woman and you say it is final?” I quipped turning to look at Aunty Cynthia at the couch she sat staring angrily at me

I wasn’t intimidated by her angry look and spoke out boldly to her hearing and that of her son Malvin 

“..well I am sorry to disappoint you Aunty.. it is not final because you are not God who has the overall final say.. I am grateful for all you did for me financially in school but I can’t marry a man who talks down on me.. it is a serious red flag so your son Malvin can never be my husband.. excuse me!” I concluded and ran out of the sitting room and left their house with no intention of coming back there ever again.

(Do NOT Plagiarize)

Next Episode

Previous Episode 

FLUCTUATING HOPE

Fluctuating Hope – Episode 18

Written By Amah’s Heart. & Blessing

After my break up with Ray, I changed my phone number to a new one to avoid distractions 

and went about my school activities without getting myself involved in any new relationship saga.

I got involved in a part-time job which fetched me some income to live on alongside frequent support from home which I was grateful for.

Gradually it became a year, yet I still hadn’t gone home since my last visit last year nor have I told my family what transpired between Mr Bernard and I when he came visiting

By now I was done with the first semester and was about entering my second semester fourth level in the university 

The high incurred expenses as a result of this change in academic level were beyond what my father could handle but I was still reluctant to reach out to Mr Bernard or Aunty Cynthia for help, and I was thankful that the didn’t even have my new phone number

It was tough during the holiday period as I kept thinking of what the beginning of the second semester in my fourth level held for me; with no food items left, my academic fees/dues higher yet unpaid and my rent due for renewal

my father couldn’t help in solving half of these problems I told him about so I have to search for other alternate ways

As for my mother, she tried her best to inquire from me why I hadn’t yet reached out to the Nyeyes considering my academic issue but I was too secretive to say anything.

It was also my own way of getting back at my mother for keeping Aunty Cynthia’s interior marriage motive from me, instead she choose to give me an attitude that had put a strain on my emotions.

Few days into the holidays, I was somewhat angry but I couldn’t ascertain if it was at myself or at God or at my mother or at my father’s financial state or at Aunty Cynthia’s self-centered motive or at Mr Bernard for betraying the trust I had in him

I just didn’t know whom to direct my anger and frustration.

It was in the midst of this angry moment a strange number called me and when I picked up Aunty Cynthia’s voice rang out from the other end of the phone call

” Debby dear your mum gave this your new contact to me.. it has been a while I heard from you.. this is Aunty Cynthia on the line”

” oh! Good afternoon Aunty.. yes it has been a while.. how are you and the family?” I quipped in my normal jovial voice that would make it hard for anyone to detect that I was emotionally drained except for my mother who knows me in and out.

” Everyone is fine Debby.. how is school?.. you suddenly withdrew from us all and your mother said you hadn’t even visited your family either.. is everything okay with you?”

” School and everything is fine ma.. there was no luxury of time to visit home before now Aunty.. but we’ve just begun our holiday this week so I plan coming back home this weekend”

I wasn’t lying though as I truly nursed the plan of going back home by weekend so that hunger wouldn’t kill me before my time  

Maybe different for other students but hunger just isn’t for the weak hearted like me Debby

” Oh I see.. no problem then.. please endeavor to come and see me when you are back.. there’s something important I would love to discuss with you Debby” Aunty Cynthia told me over the phone and my heart missed a beat

” Hope there’s no problem Aunty? Is it something serious?”

” No Debby it is nothing to worry about.. we will talk better when you’re back okay.. I’m hanging up now.. take care of yourself.. byyyye”

” Okay Aunty.. see you when I am back then.. bye. . . .” I replied over the phone and then the phone call was ended by Aunty Cynthia.

**********************

I sat on the couch in the sitting room waiting for Aunty Cynthia after being informed by one of her workers that she will join me in a short while

I pressed my phone and viewed movies online to keep myself company until a few minutes after when she finally came down the stairs to meet me

” Good afternoon Aunty” I greeted immediately I saw her

” Good afternoon dear.. how are you?” Aunty Cynthia answered smiling and sat on the couch opposite me

” I’m fine and you?”

” I’m good Debby.. thank you”

” you look beautiful Aunty.. I love your dress, it’s gorgeous” I complimented smiling to light up the atmosphere

Aunty Cynthia smiled widely before responding happily

” Ah! Thank you Debby.. you are good with words.. you are not looking bad yourself, school is treating you well I see”

” I thank God Aunty.. how is uncle and where is he?”

” My husband is fine.. he went out to see his friend down the street and would be back before dusk” Aunty Cynthia said and I breath a sigh of relief

Honestly I was initially reluctant of coming her to see Aunty Cynthia for fear of facing Mr Bernard

it is a relief to know that I won’t be doing facing him afterall

” ..well Debby I asked to see you because I wanted us to discuss something important.. it is about my son Malvin” Aunty Cynthia begun and my heart beat started accelerating

Hope it isn’t what I am thinking though? I thought and felt scared within me

” What about Malvin Aunty.. is he sick or something?”

” No, far from it.. actually Debby I want you to marry my son after your graduation from the university!” 

Aunty Cynthia dropped the bombshell and it aligned with my earlier thoughts and fear

This is a conversation which I wasn’t ready to face yet but when exactly will I be ready? I thought inwardly

” Yo.. yuu.. you want me to marry Malvin?” I stammered staring at Aunty Cynthia

” Yes Debby.. that is the main reason why I had initially offered to train you educationally when I saw you.. please marry my son Debby”

” What the heck Momma! there is no way in hell I am marrying this bitch!” Malvin resonated coming down the stairs 

We weren’t aware that he was eavesdropping on our conversation all along

” Watch your language Malvin.. Debby is not a bitch like you term her.. she is a good girl”

” I don’t care what you think of her momma.. to me she is a godforsaken golddigger! and I will never in my life marry a motherfucker ugly duckling like her.. look! she is as miserable looking as her name sounds”

Okay I think I have heard enough of his insults and it is time I put him in his place

I stood up angrily from the couch and retorted while looking directly at him without flinching

” Look here Malvin or whatever you name is.. I have no interest in marrying you either.. you have this irritating attitude that stinks!.. marrying you is something I would never be able to cope with..” 

I paused to take a short breath and continued with so much anger boiling inside of me

“..and so you know.. you are an ugly duckling too and certainly not my type!.. so get it into your pompous skul that I don’t want you in my life either!”

” Momma did you just hear what the girl you want me to marry is saying to me?” Malvin asked moving his gaze from me to Aunty Cynthia

” Oh so you are hurt by words?.. I thought otherwise if not, how then do you feel so comfortable talking down on people as though the aren’t human beings like you?” I asked keeping my gaze fixed on Malvin

“..not only do you lack manners but you are so rude Mal..” I continued but Aunty Cynthia cut me off with her utterances

” That’s enough Debby! even though you are my friend’s daughter, I won’t tolerate you speaking to my son in such a disrespectful manner.. Besides you are just a common girl whose future I am trying to help.. you should be grateful to me and not all this rudeness.. anyways you are marrying Malvin and that is final! “

” Aunty, your son has always spoken disrespectfully to me but I never said a word in defense because of my respect for you.. now in exchange for the assistance you offered me.. you are imposing it on me to marry a man who has no iota of love or regards for me as a woman and you say it is final?” I quipped turning to look at Aunty Cynthia at the couch she sat staring angrily at me

I wasn’t intimidated by her angry look and spoke out boldly to her hearing and that of her son Malvin 

“..well I am sorry to disappoint you Aunty.. it is not final because you are not God who has the overall final say.. I am grateful for all you did for me financially in school but I can’t marry a man who talks down on me.. it is a serious red flag so your son Malvin can never be my husband.. excuse me!” I concluded and ran out of the sitting room and left their house with no intention of coming back there ever again.

(Do NOT Plagiarize)

Next Episode

Previous Episode 

FLUCTUATING HOPE

Fluctuating Hope – Episode 17

Written By Amah’s Heart. & Blessing

With the money my father sent for me, I paid my academic fees for the current semester and restocked my apartment with food items. I felt alive again!

Above all, I was super happy that my father has developed a different ideology about female education. At least now the burden will be easier for me and my mother. 

I felt relieved and whatever guilt I felt for trying to disobey him by crossing social boundaries were all gone.

And although I knew that with each academic level I pass the dues/expenses grew higher, hence it was going to be tough being without the financial support of the Nyeyes but I was willing to give it a trial for my peace of mind.

There’s no way I will be coerce into marrying an irresponsible young man who has no respect or love for me simply because of Aunty Cynthia’s selfish interest. 

Neither will I be lured into accepting Mr Bernard’s tempting yet dangerous offer of being his side chick, I am not and will never be a doormat. I have great dreams and achieve them I will.

even though Aunty Cynthia is self-centered by doing what she intended doing to me, I can’t get myself to betray her trust by sleeping with her husband, no woman deserves such anyways

And deep down I’ve forgiven her, I bear no grudges against her so I will choose my peace of mind by forgetting about whatever help they offered me.

With this decided, I went about my life daily and gradually I bounced back academically.

It is within this period I met Ray, initially I had no plans of getting into a relationship until after obtaining a university degree but meeting Ray changed all that.

Ray was a final year student who was awaiting his NYSC service letter which wasn’t forthcoming as he expected.

We met through a male acquaintance and clicked immediately because of the similar interests we shared

He asked for friendship which I granted and as we got to know each other better, I begun to gradually fall in love with him

With time he asked me for a relationship and although I was already in love with him, I still knew I needed to use my head first before my emotions 

so I set the necessary boundaries by I telling him of my desire for a no sex relationship which surprisingly he agreed to it although from his facial expression I noticed he wasn’t so pleased

Ray grudgingly agreed to my terms and claimed he wanted a long term relationship that would someday lead to marriage so séx didn’t really matter anyways

I was happy I met a man whom I felt loved me truly and shared the same interests and desires

Our relationship begun beautifully and I felt so in love with him that I went to see him on a daily basis at the far distance he stayed, without an actual reciprocation from him yet I was not bothered.

In a space of one week I observed a few red flags I wasn’t so comfortable with, I was also having scary dreams more like God was trying to warn me of a future calamity.

I took it to God in prayer and in a few days, it begun to make sense when Ray started showing dangerous traits and making sinful requests of me; he requested to bath with me, spents nights with him, romance, cuddle and at one point he told he will love to have séx with me.

I overlooked all this and had politely turned down his requests but each time I visited his apartment, Ray was always touching me inappropriately and trying to convince me into giving in to his séxúal desires.

The last visit to his apartment left me in shock and made me understand the loopholes my dreams were trying to warn me of.

*******************

I woke up that Sunday morning after having another nightmare, his call came on my phone to ask me what time I intended visiting as promised

I told him by noon and at the fixed time; I dressed up, said a short prayer and left to see my boyfriend Ray after calling on phone to inform him that I was on my way to his apartment

Getting to his place, I met him sitted on his bed with a towel round his waist smiling at me

” You like what you see my love?.. oh my baby, I have missed you so much” Ray said getting up to meet me at the door and he kissed me on my cheeks which he usually does whenever we met

” On the contrary, I don’t like what I am seeing babe.. I guess you were bathing but it’s inappropriate to still be on a towel when you actually knew I was on my way here” I said with displeasure as I walked over to the bed and sat on it

” Common Debby.. this is my bedroom and you are my girlfriend so it’s not a big deal if I had chosen to stay nåked.. so loosen up babe” Ray said as he came and sat down beside me with his hands on my thighs

” Please dress up Ray.. you are making me feel uncomfortable seeing you sitting half nåked beside me” I told Ray truthfully hoping he will do as I pleaded but his next words surprised me

” Debby I am not happy with you.. and do you want to know why” 

” I am not a magician Ray so how am I supposed to know why you aren’t happy with me”

“Okay let me tell you Debby..”

” ..my love I still don’t understand why you are keeping your body away from me as your boyfriend.. what is the point of this virginity thing when I will still be the one to marry you or don’t you want to marry me?” Raymond asked moving his hands up my thighs to my brëast region and I shook his hands away in disgust

” stop this Ray.. what has gotten into you?.. if you are serious about marrying me then you won’t have a problem waiting till marriage except you have a second agenda” I said slowly and Ray bursted out laughing hysterically that I begun wondering what was funny in what I just said

” You are too rigid Debby.. sometimes I wonder who will marry you like this.. I am a man and I tell you for free that we love naughty girls.. so loosen up let me teach and groom you into the kind of girl I will want as my wife in future” Ray quipped trying to get his hands into the cloth I wore but I shifted away from his reach

This act of Ray brought back memories of my near rape encounter with Mr Bernard

I am still in shock and wondered if this is the same sweet Ray who told me he was okay with my desire for a no sex relationship

So he was merely pretending? I guess he probably felt that with time I would change my mind and allow him access to my body when I fall in love with him

Thank God I decided to use my head first before my emotions

” Ray what do you mean by me loosening up to be taught and groomed by you.. what do you want to teach me?” I probed even though I understood perfectly what he meant

I just wanted to be sure I heard him correctly and wasn’t misunderstanding things

” Okay let me break it down to your understanding.. I have fantasies of súcking you, lícking every inch of your body.. watching you touch and ride me and..” Ray explained and I cut him short when I was tired of listening to his disgusting fantasies

The love I thought I felt for him automatically disappeared when I saw his true self unveiling and intentions towards me became clear

” Ray you dísgust me, just a month of being in a relationship with you yet listen to what you are saying to me.. if you were not okay with a no séx relationship then you would have simply said so instead of all this.. and so you know, I am not a marriage desperado” I said angrily getting up from the bed and walking to the door

” Common Debby lets make my fantasies a reality already… Stop being difficult for me” Ray said and tried pulling me back to the bed with his hands

I turned down his request by pushing his hands away and ran out of his apartment which eventually led to our breakup on that Sunday night.

(Do not Plagiarize or take credit)

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FLUCTUATING HOPE

Fluctuating Hope – Episode 15

Written By Amah’s Heart. & Blessing

I arrived home and slúmped on the bed tiredly. I was just speechless and couldn’t even cry as I thought I would immediately I get home. 

I guess I had grown emotionally stronger without knowing the depth, so I just laid on my bed staring into space trying to fathom which direction my life is slowly driving me to follow.

So many thoughts ran through my young mind as I laid on the bed with my mind wandering

Thoughts of;

Is it really true that Aunty Cynthia was trying to prepare me for that rude Malvin who even smokes and could that have been be the reason for my mother’s unexplained behavior?

What kind of father and son controversial situation am I getting caught in between?

And only God knows if Mr Bernard will cut off his assistance because of my negative response to his séxual request, if that happens what then becomes of my education?

How do I even get to face him at home or ask for any help from him without thinking back to his face in the bedroom as he tried to sexually devour me?

I sighed in frustration because I had too many questions that I had no actual answers to

Undoubtedly, I am tired! my hopes kept fluctuating and moving round in circles that I no longer knew what it felt like to go on my knees in prayers

I mean few months earlier when Aunty Cynthia and her husband offered to anchor my education, I was so happy that finally my prayers were answered by God yet this is the end result I got afterwards.

I laid for a while trying to get my emotions together, when my stomach begun rumbling and that is when it occurred to me that I hadn’t really eaten a good meal since morning so I needed to eat something.

I heaved heavily as I got up from the bed, took a shower and changed my clothes into comfortable house wears

Inasmuch as I was tired of the happenings in my life and my emotions were still in its weakest state, my life is still precious to me and I intend to live it to its fullest no matter what comes my way.

And one thing I knew for sure is this; I will not compromise my integrity, morals and core values for the Nyeye’s family even if it means I need to forgo my educational pursuit for it.

After coming to this conclusion, I walked into the kitchen and prepared a quick meal of spaghetti with egg.

I ate that night and went to bed hoping to forget everything by morning although I knew it was going to be so hard to do but I was willing to put in the effort.

****************************

Days flew into weeks and weeks into months, I went about my normal activities while trying to forget the incident that happened between Mr Bernard and I in his mansion.

Thankfully, I didn’t hear from Mr Bernard again and concluded that he doesn’t intend to offer his assistance again which I understood why.

I couldn’t even tell my family what happened, as I had already concluded to keep everything to myself to avoid a clash between our two families.

I just lived everyday as it came and I didn’t bother on anything related to my education again.

There was no hope or faith left in me to begin with, and I had already concluded that after my exams for the semester, I will just write a suspension letter without looking back ever again

My father was right afterall! and I know I had felt I was emotionally perfectly okay but the reverse was the actual case! 

To make matters worst, my academic progress were slowly diminishing as I stopped trying so hard to attain a great result.

I was still traumatized and I didn’t realize the effect it had on my academic performance until my examination week which was already very late.

When our examination came and although I gave in my best, I wasn’t in the right frame of mind for it so I easily forgot some answers whenever my mind did a flashback in the examination hall.

My friends noticed the change in me but I easily covered it up with lame excuses and thankfully the understood that it was because I didn’t want to share what was bothering me so the didn’t push further.

My examinations soon came to an end and we were given a three weeks break before resumption, but surprisingly this time I didn’t feel like going home for the short holiday.

I wasn’t ready to face the people that awaited me at home so I ended up spending my holiday in school admist my mother’s pleas to see me.

I spent the holiday looking for on and offline jobs but I couldn’t find any, the only one available had a bad working condition that was time consuming with a poor salary yet I accepted the job offer in other to at least earn some cash for survival in school.

I soon had to resign after a month when my salary and that of other workers were withheld by the bosses using a lame excuse of drinking water during work hours.

I was later informed that it was the norms over there to work but never get paid for your hard work by the greedy bosses.

I decided not to bother anymore and begun accepting different date offers from admirers in other to get my mind off things bothering me, but whenever I returned home it rushed back.

The suspension letter I thought would be easy to write after making a decision, I still couldn’t get myself to write it no matter the different formats shown to me by Google search.

I kept procrastinating until a new semester begun, which welcomed me into a new educational level in the university but I wasn’t happy

As slowly my food items were getting exhausted and there was no money left on me for a restock, the thoughts of how to survive plagued my mind and it was at this same period that my semester’s results was released 

I cringe when I saw my results! I may not have failed but it was the worst result I have had since I begun schooling. 

It was bad became my grades were low and below average.

I looked at my results that Sunday night and I didn’t know when I terribly broke down in tears, it was as though all the suppressed emotions I had refuse to let out came gushing out in uncontrollable tørments.

(Do not Plagiarize)

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FLUCTUATING HOPE

Fluctuating Hope – Episode 11

Written By Amah’s Heart. & Blessing

Things were going smoothly for me in school, my life took the turn for the better even more than I envisaged.

Meanwhile, before leaving Mr Bernard’s office that day, he had given me his phone number in case of unplanned expenses arising in school and I innocently took it happy that I now have a father figure in my life who cares so much about my welfare.

In school, he calls occasionally to check up on me as well as to inquire about my well-being and academic progress.

Not to talk of the surprise cash alerts, fatherly advises, and prayers he gives me each time we were talking on phone. Oh! this made me look forward to his phone calls which actually came once in a blue moon. 

I felt loved and cared for as Mr Bernard ensured that I lacked nothing physically, materially, and academically.

This same me who couldn’t dream of coming back to school but within a space of three months had rented a moderately furnished self contained apartment, brought a laptop, enough foodstuffs in the kitchen, complete textbooks, enroll for technological classes and lots more.

There are times I still can not believe that this is reality. I remember those times I was lost in an hopeless land not knowing the way out

Those times I lived more in my fantasies and cried myself to sleep on various nights.

Those times my hopes kept fluctuating with no balanced straight road to thread on.

Many would have wondered why I hadn’t gotten a work to do at that point in my life, but what many may not have known is that aside the jobs scarcity in the country, there were two major reasons;

The first reason was the fact that I wasn’t emotionally ready to work. 

I mean for two good years, I got accustomed to being termed an undergraduate and then being faced with a circumstance of suspending studies after all the hardwork, sacrifices and stress it took me to get that far.

To make matters worst, my friends and coursemates in school were calling to inquire why I hadn’t yet resumed which makes made me feel worst about myself. 

Some genuinely cared whilst some pretended to care so as to get stories to talk and laugh about.

So telling them the truth wasn’t an option because there were  people who easily make fond of people’s situation and circumstances, that’s why I had to come up with different excuses and when I ran out of them, I had to constantly switch off my phone to ward off calls.

All this was to avoid being the talk of the department and a source of pity talks for gossips who deprived joy in seeing others in pain.

Believe me it is not easy dealing with the depressing thoughts of knowing that you have to quit your University education after seeing the four walls of a University, socializing with different races of people, getting exposure to new things, making new friends, having more male attention and most importantly the respect/accolades accosted to being in the University.

I also knew how it felt bearing in mind that after suspension of studies if I ever do resume back, my course mates would have gone a year ahead of me but that didn’t matter to me then because at that point in time I just wanted to complete my studies no matter how long it took.

But then the worst is when I didn’t even know if I was ever resuming back to complete studies; there was no hope in sight and finance was posing a huge challenge for me.

Frankly, the billions of people in the university especially for some departments whose academic fees were higher than mine got me wondering why my own case was different.

It was saddening bearing the constant reminder that all my efforts and my mother’s comprises would have gone in vain, thereby giving my father the joy that he won at the end. 

I begun nursing suicidal thoughts and I had even contemplated taking Nisi’s advise to sell my body for money, since that was the trending/lucrative jobs on campus and no doubt I am very beautiful with curves that turns men’s heads wherever I go.

But that wasn’t the kind of life I wanted for myself, I give respect and love being respected too. That’s why I wasn’t willing to sacrifice all that on the altar of education.

The second reason I couldn’t work to earn money to at least get my mind out of my school issues was because; my father was so against it, he said it was better for me to learn tailoring which will position me well for a husband to seek me out.

I wasn’t lâzy so I wasn’t in any way against learning tailoring but I knew that the funds for it wasn’t available either so I would have still waited at home for a longer while, I guess that was why depression and sadness had eaten deep into me

Good thing an angel came in the form of Aunty Cynthia and her husband to give me a new hope and wipe away my tears but I don’t know why I still feel restless over Mr Bernard’s looks

All the same, I will leave everything to God and instead enjoy the good life he has bestowed on me again.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

I have two friends in school who has always stood by me even though I had nothing to offer at that point in time.

We got more closer when I resumed back and within the next months that followed we became more like blood sisters. 

One goes by the name Mary and the second goes by the name Vicky. Their personalities are cool with me and I have never regretted knowing them.

As for my relationship life, it was boring because aside the fact that I wanted to remain focus on my goals without distractions, the next reason is that the male folks I came across were not worth a trial.

That’s why I turned down men advances because with their actions and words, it was glaringly obvious that the were only after my body not the ‘love’ word that majority use as a cover up to achieve their aim.

I faced my education whilst enjoying my single life although undeniably I felt lonely most of the time especially when my two friends were sharing their relationship tales with me, but I decided not to let that get to me instead I intensified my studies. 

The semester’s examination soon begun in earnest and I studied vigorously so as to make myself, my mother and my sponsors proud at the end.

It is during this examination period that I got a call from Mr Bernard informing me that he was coming to my school to check up on me by weekend.

According to him, he wanted to see me physically since it has been a while and to be directly filled in on all my progresses in school beyond the phone conversations we do have.

Before now I had already begun viewing, loving, and respecting him as a daughter would a second father.

And inasmuch as I was anxious, I was still elated because I knew that as my godfather, he would surely bring lots of goodies for me when he comes visiting me.

So in preparation for his visit, I plaited my unmade hair to look more presentable whilst looking forward to filing Mr Bernard in on all the school happenings and my academic progresses.

(Do Plagiarize this story)

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FLUCTUATING HOPE

Fluctuating Hope – Episode 2

Written By Amah’s Heart. & Blessing

She later made a final decision to split the savings on her into two parts; a small part for the home feeding and the other part was apportioned to my education which was to the displeasure of my father who felt that such sacrifices is unnecessary for a female child.

I am very sure that if the savings was his money, he wouldn’t have allowed such a decision but since it was that of my mother, he had no choice but to adhere to my mother’s decision on her savings apportionment while stating it clearly that he was not going to show up for any future crises or expenses that would arise from my education.

With the money apportioned for my education, I successfully paid for my acceptance and academic fees and also got some essential school materials.

Sadly, it wasn’t enough for me to rent an apartment or even pay for an hostel space in school. As a result, I had to live with a cousin who was emotionally and verbally abusive with words.

Aunty Blessing as I do call her, abused me verbally and turned me into an errand girl for herself and her friends who occasionally came visiting. 

Living with her can be best described as an hell on earth, the little school provisions sent to me from home were usually consumed by her without much thoughts on my feelings.

Her male friends who came visiting kept making strong sexual requests and obvious advances at me as I am undeniably a beautiful girl.

It got to a point that I was almost raped by her male best friend on a certain night when she wasn’t at home but I narrowly escaped due to a phone call I got from my mom.

I emaciated a little but then my experience with her made me develop a thicker skin to abusive words and I grew mentally stronger such that her mean words or actions were no longer having a negative impact on me, instead it inspired me to work hard to academically become the best I can be.

While in school, I ensured to research on scholarships opportunities available to indigent students and I applied to as many as I was eligible for.

After my 100 level first semester examination, she requested that I move out of her apartment and I was left with no choice but go back home with my belongings.

At home I discovered that life was harder for my family than my mother made me believe anytime we talked on phone.

We were struggling to eat once daily and my siblings suspended their secondary education until when things would get better, that’s if it ever would.

Getting loans to solve our major problems were out of options as my parents were already neck deep in debts, with debtors who were currently at their necks so we just had to manage the little we could momentarily afford.

Frankly, the only hope for my education continuity was in the scholarship opportunities I had applied for else I will be left with no choice than to suspend studies in the forthcoming semester, a hard decision which I dreaded so much.

FAST FORWARD TO PRESENT

I sat there after receiving the disappointing email from the scholarship platform which made it the eleventh disappointing email I will be getting for the scholarship opportunities I applied for.

School has already began for the second semester and I am still at home with no hope of resumption in view.

Truthfully I want to give up but I know I have to prove to my father that females can equally be successful and also that a woman’s value is not limited to marriage or her husband alone.

I intend to make my mother proud. I know for a fact that I want to become a successful woman who will look back at my beginning days and be thankful to God my maker that I did not give up even when the path are full of thorns.

With this comforting thoughts I had, I found the courage to get up from where I sat and I continued my morning routine although with a worried mind.

Diaster knocked yet again when later that afternoon the landlord of the house we stay in came with thugs and sent us packing out of his house as a result of overdue house rent. 

With the little money in my mother’s custody, we were able to move into a small unkempt neighborhood, it is from there we got into a harder life in which we weren’t accustomed to as a family. 

It was a single room apartment with no water in the house, the toilet outside and kitchen was erected outside and worst was that it was to be shared with the nextdoor neighbor who had children with distinct uncleanliness personalities.

We went through hell! our hygiene was reduced to the minimal, from going outside to use the toilet or kitchen and also making carrying gallons of water on our head a norms.

Do you know when you are in an unfortunate situation in which you keep hoping and praying to God for a change but at the same time feel like it is all an hopeless hope and prayer?

A situation in which you sleep at night expecting that by morning everything would be just a bad dream, only to wake up by morning and realize that it isn’t a dream but a reality? 

That’s the two situations I found myself but in a few days I soon begun accepting the reality of things that I had no control over, instead becoming a university graduate was now my goal and priority so I can make something out of my life.

In less than a week at home, I was evidently emaciating due to the insufficient food available. There was barely food to eat, from late night foods to constantly eating poorly made meals. Oil rice was the only food we could conveniently afford with the rice barely enough to go round, my parents sometimes gave up theirs so that we the children could eat. 

Notwithstanding, there were days we ate once and at least twice daily, it solely depends on the good or bad sales my mother makes for the day.

Days gradually went by and I grew more worried as there was no light at the end of the tunnel in sight, instead it became more glaring that I might actually end up suspending or worst which is ending my education.

Gradually, I lost sleep and appetite for food which wasn’t helping issues as it only added to my emaciated physique, giving me the outlook of an ‘lekpa’ when in actuality I am a chubby person who had to slim down due to my family’s present poor condition.

Well light shone on us or so I thought when my father was given the free sum of six hundred thousand naira (N600,000) as an assistance by my community chief who was sympathetic towards us.

Just when I thought my father would have pity on me and give me a fraction of the money to solve my academic problems, he completely ignored my endless pleas and ended up using 80% of the money to clear part of the pressing debts with the rest of the money kept solely for his personal use.

To him my educational expenses was of no importance and since he told us his stance on it from onset, my present academic expenses is therefore  not his headache to cure but that of my mother who begun it in the first place.

I very well know that if my mother was in the custody of the money that was gifted by the community chief, she would have acted differently. 

Certainly she would have considered my education as a first priority before using the money leftover to clear the most pressing debts, whilst leaving the less pressing debts for later but unfortunately the opposite is the actual case now.

After this happened, I completely lost hope on my education and that night I made up my mind to write an official suspension letter so as to submit it by month end which is a week from today.

Probably education wasn’t meant for me. I thought as I cried myself to sleep that night.

(Do NOT take credit or plagiarize)

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